


3 AM

by fanfoolishness (LoonyLupin), LoonyLupin



Series: To Leap, to Fall: Al Calavicci x Sam Beckett [2]
Category: Quantum Leap
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Loneliness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-09
Updated: 2012-09-09
Packaged: 2017-11-13 21:11:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/507758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoonyLupin/pseuds/fanfoolishness, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoonyLupin/pseuds/LoonyLupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leaping is a lonely business.  Observing is too.  Sometimes, Sam and Al have trouble getting through the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	3 AM

Sam knows, objectively, why three in the morning is a time when night terrors linger at the edge of wakefulness, when impossible doubts gain cruel traction. Cortisol levels drop, melatonin increases, and the body primes itself to dream. Of course one’s emotions are amplified in that gray zone between asleep and awake.

And if one is a leaper with a hodgepodge of memories and an ache for a home that might not even exist… Well, Sam supposes it’s only natural that he sometimes has more difficult nights than most.

That doesn’t make it any better.

It’s not every leap, he knows that. But there are times when the nights are still and quiet, and he’s alone in a bed or a sleeping bag or on cold bare ground, that he falls apart.

At those times the ache is deep in his chest, in his bones, in his leaky memory. The restlessness cuts like a knife when he remembers that this has now been his life for years, wandering lost in time and circumstance.

Tonight he lies there, painfully drowsy but sick with the familiar fear that he will never get home. That he will never again feel the touch of someone who knows who he is. That he will forget Sam Beckett completely one day, and he will lose Al forever.

“Al,” he says quietly into the darkness.

The light of the opening doorway sears his eyes in the dark room, and he blinks until the light fades and he can adjust. Al’s in loud pajamas and a lime green dressing gown tonight, and the sight brings a smile to Sam’s face despite himself.

“Sammy?” says Al, and there’s something in his voice that says Ziggy has nothing new, but that Al came anyway.

“It’s one of those nights,” says Sam simply, and he can’t keep the fear from his voice.

“I know, Sam,” says Al, and even in the dim light Sam can see the way his face looks worn and tired.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“Same reason you aren’t.”

Al stands silently for a few moments while Sam struggles for words; words that could end the uncertainty, words that could make them both believe that everything would be all right. He knows in the morning that things will look better, but he can’t see how he’s going to make it there in one piece.

“I miss you, Al,” he says, and the ache doubles, trebles.

Al moves closer until he’s standing over Sam. He reaches out, but his hand passes through Sam’s, and the sight twists his stomach. What he wouldn’t give to bring the hologram image to life, to have a warm, breathing Al there beside him. A sound catches in his throat.

“I miss you, Sam,” says Al roughly, and Sam can see in his eyes the mirror images of Sam’s fears. What must it be like, he wonders, to see him leaping into danger after danger, unable to physically help, always worrying that this might be the leap they lose him? That Al loses him? Sam takes in Al’s bloodshot eyes, the stubble on his chin, his mussed hair, and he’s not sure which of them bears the heavier burden.

“Stay here with me tonight,” Sam whispers. He hates the neediness in his voice.

“I was gonna ask you the same thing,” says Al softly.

Al moves closer, walking through Sam and the bed, then laying himself down next to Sam. Even though he can’t feel Al beside him the tightness in his chest eases, just a little, and the sun rises just a little faster.

**Author's Note:**

> my poor angsty menfolk ;_;


End file.
